Still Whole

"The more we do to give our family an identity

 by itself, without their Dad,

I think it will help them understand that

we aren't missing anything.

 It's not a situation we chose to be in,

but we're still a whole family,

and we're going to be okay."

 

- Susan, single mom

Divorce Care for Kids (DC4K)

(Emphasis mine)

 

 

I "liked" this page on Facebook more than a year ago,

along with it's parent page,

Divorce Care.

It's been encouraging and,

 periodically,

a positive voice 

in the midst of my sometimes very negative mental storms.

 

 

 

 

 

Although we must remember that there are some single fathers out there,

rendering the above statement to be read a bit differently,

let us be careful not to discredit it's core meaning.

 

 

A single parent household,

whether mom or dad,

is not inherently "broken".

 

Like so many endeavors in our lives,

our journey will become what we make of it.

Indeed, we will have difficult and trying days,

but this should not define our journey.

 

 

 

 

 

I like the above quote

because it encompasses the meaning of this blog.

 Me and my children certainly are still a whole family!

We still claim our traditions,

our pet names,

our silly ways,

our routines,

our preferences,

our memories,

our nostalgia,

our favorite meals,

our favorites hangouts,

our favorite cuddle positions,

tickle spots,

and quirky phrases.

 

 

 

 

 

You still have these, and more!

Perhaps you cannot quite put your finger on all your familial habits.

All the better!

There's no need.

They're yours.

Just ruminate on them.

Bask.

Enjoy.

Be blessed and nourished.

Then share a bit with your kin.

 

 

 

Not Dead Yet!

“At least there is hope for a tree:
    If it is cut down, it will sprout again,
    and its new shoots will not fail.
 Its roots may grow old in the ground
    and its stump die in the soil,
yet at the scent of water it will bud
    and put forth shoots like a plant."

 

~ Job 14:7-9

 

 

 

I find encouragement within this passage of Scripture.

 

If we should seek Providence in the time of our suffering,

indeed, we will be nourished once again.

Our brother Job had miserable companions

during his most desperate days.

Many of us do, also.

I'm sorry, friend.

Be assured, it is most likely that their intentions,

though feeble and lacking,

are heartfelt.

It is only Heaven that will rest our souls.

 This is where faith steps in.

 

 

 

 

Step out into your expanse,

it is fertile.

 

You have been shortchanged,

but you're not destitute.

 

Sow your seeds of wisdom,

they've been hard-earned.

 

Watch as your hands become stained with rich soil,

for your fruits are nearing their season of glory.

 

 

 

 

Let us continue with our work.

We are not finished.

 

 

 

Together, Not Broken = Ohana

Ohana

Yup, you remember from Disney's Lilo and Stitch?

That's what started it.

Now our family has adopted it.

I've acquired a bumper sticker for my car, much like this.

Mine has five little turtles to represent my five kiddoes.

My family.

I will display it proudly!

I've also purchased a fun piece to hang in our kitchen, 

where we will see it every day.

I found this on Etsy.  (Gosh I love that site.)

Mine is in all red and displayed in a bright red frame.

I'm not typically a fan of Disney, 

(no offense Disney lovers)

but a friend who had been through a very similar situation with her family recommended me to watch it with my kids.

I loved it!

I'm not entirely sure what I would've thought about the movie aside from our circumstances.  It's odd, to be sure.

At first I found it unsettling to watch such an angry, destructive creature initiate such mayhem and violence in a cartoon flick.

Still, it was a time in my life when I was hungry for a positive message to share with my kids, and my children were old enough to handle such theatrical carelessness.

So we watched.

I still think some elements were overdone, 

but all-in-all, that particular movie holds a sweet place in my heart.

So does "Ohana".

Whereas its debatable as to the origins of the word itself,

I really can't say that I care.

We need it.

We need to remember what family is.

What family is worth.

That family is worth fighting for.

It reminds me of the Love is passage in Scripture:

So I say we're not a "broken family".

We're Ohana.

We're together.

How To Be Victorious

We are hard pressed on every side,

But not crushed;

Perplexed, but not in despair;

Persecuted, but not abandoned;

Struck down, but not destroyed.

~ 2 Corinthians 4:8-9

     “'That which does not kill you only makes you stronger.'

     “'God never gives you more than you can bear.'

     "These are some worldly equivalents of the above Scripture from 2 Corinthians.   When I first read those verses, I certainly felt pressed, perplexed, persecuted, abandoned, and struck down.  I wanted to wallow in those feelings.  I was angry at God.  I had a very bad case of, 'Why me?'

     "Why not me?

     "Throughout history, the strongest faith journeys have had seasons of pain and adversity.  With Christ as our pinnacle example, we can say with confidence that it is impossible to be of great faith and not endure suffering.  Hard times are inescapable.  Now, how we react to hard times is indeed another matter.   We can look away from God in anger and unbelief, and if we choose to remain this way, be crushed, in despair, abandoned, destroyed.  Or we can look to God, and know beyond our understanding that He is at the core of our testing. And that Jesus alone lights a path to the other side."

“Happily Ever After” by Kristin Armstrong

~   *   ~   *   ~   *   ~

     I love those verses from 2 Corinthians.  I love them because it acknowledges what we go through.  It doesn't gloss over the crap within which we must trudge.  

     Using words and phrases that we can identify with such as "struck down", "hard pressed", and "perplexed" have a familiar ring to them.  You get the sense that someone understands you.  And you need that!

     Indeed, Someone does understand you.  He's walking beside you every step.  "Longing to gather you..as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings".  "Rejoicing over you with singing"!  (Matthew 23:37, Zephaniah 3:17)  Look at the wording again.

In a transliteration of the Hebrew for the Scripture in Zephaniah, we find:

"he shall be elated over you"

"in rejoicing he shall be silent"

"he shall exult over you in jubilation"

     Such power in words!  This is how your God feels about you!!!  This is The Word, living and true.  Would you continue to question THIS LORD'S love for you.

   

     No more uncertainty, dear friend!  It's time to be victorious, for you are His!

Instructions For a Broken Heart

     I ran across Happily Ever After by Kristin Armstrong while searching on Amazon to see if there was a devotional written for divorced women.  What do ya know!  There is, and it's very good!  I haven't been so touched since Streams In the Desert by Mrs. Chas E Cowman.  

     If you're reading this, you may have experienced divorce.  But gosh, I sure hope not!  It's the most awful thing I've ever lived through.  It requires healing on a magnanimous scale.  It's a wonder so many are walking around having been through this.  No wonder our culture is hurting.  Behavior like this is fundamentally destructive; to one another, to our families, to our children, to ourselves, and to our legacy.  I'm an anti-divorce divorcee.  

   

       I find it healing to share these little bits of wisdom because they're just the sort of thing to which I've needed and responded.  In our situation, you don't avoid any little step that could help you heal.  I sincerely hope that you will be blessed by reading.  May we be healed properly and fully, friends!

  [The Lord] heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.

~ Psalm 143:3

     "Gather up as many pieces of your broken heart as you can find, and take them to the altar.  Place them there, at the foot of the cross.  Bow and walk away.  Resist the temptation to go back and collect the debris and try to place the misshapen fragments back together.  Chances are, you’ll miss a piece, bleed to death while you try, or attempt to force pieces that didn’t fit that way to begin with.

"torn"  2013  During my divorce.

     "Psalm 147 promises that the Lord will bind our wounds.  Imagine Him, tenderly assessing the damage and compassionately wrapping your injuries.  He experienced pain;  He knows the depth of agony.  He alone has the power to remedy your situation, and He promises to heal your broken heart.

     "I like to imagine His holy hands, radiant and glowing with the full power of creation.  I picture those warm hands surrounding my heart, enclosing it completely.  I like to think about how He remains in that position, guarding my heart until it is healed properly and fully.  He protects me from injury until He declares me ready to love again."

~ “Happily Ever After” by Kristin Armstrong

Beauty From the Storm

“I call to remembrance my song in the night.”  ~Psalm 77:6

     "I have read somewhere of a little bird that will never sing the melody his master wishes while his cage is full of light.  He learns a snatch of this, a bar of that, but never an entire song of it’s own until the cage is covered and the morning beams shut out.

     "A good many people never learn to sing until the darkling shadows fall.  The fabled nightingale carols with his breast against a thorn.  It was in the night that the song of the angels was heard.  It was at midnight that the cry came, “Behold, the Bridegroom cometh; go ye out to meet him.”

     "Indeed it is extremely doubtful if a soul can really know the love of God in its richness and in its comforting, satisfying completeness until the skies are black and lowering.

Light comes out of darkness, morning out of the womb of the night.

     "James Creelman, in one of his letters, describes his trip to the Balkan States in search of Natalie, the exiled Queen of Serbia.

     “In that memorable journey,” he says, “I learned for the first time that the world’s supply of attar of roses comes from the Balkan Mountains.  And the thing that interests me most,” he goes on, “is that the roses must be gathered in the darkest hours.  The pickers start out at one o’clock and finish picking them at two.

     “At first it seemed to me a relic of superstition; but I investigated the picturesque mystery, and learned that actual scientific tests had proven that fully forty per cent of the fragrance of roses disappeared in the light of day.”

     "And in human life and human culture that is not a playful, fanciful conceit; it is a real veritable fact."  – Malcolm J. McLeod

~ Streams In the Desert, Mrs. Chas. E. Cowman

   

       How often have you been in the midst of earthly perfection and found yourself crying out to God?  When your skies are calm and your breezes gentle, do you reach for your Heavenly Father from the depths of your soul?  When everything blooms in it's proper time, when it is soft rains that quench your growth, is that the time when you have found yourself desperate for your Lord's touch?  

     It is from inside of the storm that we make our plea for rescue.

     Once you have weathered such a storm, you have become stronger.  You have survived.  And you weren't alone.  

     Maybe you're still riding out the tempest.  Perhaps you've made unwise choices while enduring the suffering.  You are not alone.

    

     Sometimes consequences will leave us vulnerable.  That is the nature of a decision.  Still, you are not alone.  

     "Be strong and courageous.  Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you;  he will never leave you nor forsake you"  

~ Deuteronomy 31:6